


Hold Me

by hitmewiththatfanart33



Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [10]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxceit - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24834934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitmewiththatfanart33/pseuds/hitmewiththatfanart33
Summary: Pre-AA. Life with the light sides wasn't easy. On one particularly lonely night, in pain and with no one else to turn to, Virgil resorts to Janus.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796293
Comments: 1
Kudos: 72





	Hold Me

Virgil shook. His room felt cold and unfamiliar, doing nothing to comfort him after the day he'd had. There was no one to talk to. No one to make jokes with or share knowing glances. They all just glared; looked at him as if he was doing something wrong by simply existing.

It was killing him.

He would stand by idly watching as Patton would hug Logan or Roman would give dance lessons to the other sides, pretending he didn't care, but the truth was that he ached for that kind of contact. He _craved_ it. There was nobody who would grip his waist— his hand, even. He was cold, untouched, and lonely, feeling like China plates collecting dust but without the admiration or valuable part. _They didn't even know his name..._

Virgil knew it was all his own fault, yet he still felt hopeless. Like he was falling with nothing to grab onto. If he just changed everything he was—brightened up, then maybe then they'd accept him, but deep down he knew that was impossible.

And why it bothered him tonight, he didn't know, but the pain damn near brought him to his knees. He hardly noticed or cared about the tears streaking his face, just wanting to be held. He wanted to escape the prison that his room had become. It didn't matter how.

He felt desperate. He couldn't believe he was actually going to _him,_ he just needed _someone_... someone to ground him and keep him off his knees; to keep him warm. And deep down a part of him still loved that familiar face he'd known all his life, even if the last time they saw each other wasn't pleasant.

His unsteady fist left his hoodie pocket, and he sealed his fate by alerting the person on the other side of the door. Even though he knew the others would probably hate him more if they found out where he was, it was a risk he was willing to take, and they didn't like it, they could stop being so judge-mental.

The urge to follow his own advice rose in his throat as the door stayed closed longer than it should have, and he turned back towards the direction of his room, knowing this was a bad idea. Not even Janus would take him in.

"Virgil?" The sound of his real name coming from the elegant voice had him whipping right back around. He missed hearing his name so badly. A feeling swelled in his chest, and for a moment he was elated to see that half-and-half face.

Then he remembered everything, and put his guard back up. He couldn't get attached just because this was the only person who used to not look at him and flinch; just because although cold-blooded, he was the only warm thing in his life. Virgil wanted to smile at the shirtless figure with wet hair, but it all just made him hurt worse. Why did things have to go this way? Why couldn't he just be showing up here because he wanted to and not because he was too lonely to be alone?

He hated that he missed him, but he was also grateful he did because it was the only thing that brought him here. "Virgil?" The question came again, not out of confusion but of concern. He probably looked pathetic with the gray lines running all down his cheeks.

He didn't know what to say. There was too much to resolve, too much to explain, and he needed contact _now_. By the absence of anger in Janus' gaze, he concluded he wouldn't be too harshly rejected, so he took a chance and crashed into his warm skin. He held his breath until he felt arms hesitantly wrap around his back in return. Moist air rebounded back into his face as he breathed against the bare chest that smelled of fresh body wash.

"I'm so lonely," he whispered, shifting ever so slightly. Then he took a dangerous leap off an edge who's bottom couldn't be seen in the dark. "Please hold me."

"Of course." A hesitant mumble. It seemed to confound him that Virgil had come to him. Then there was the obvious truth in his voice, from before he began including Virgil in his lies, that made his strength want to crumble. He missed being the person Janus had self-control for.

Virgil stepped back from the embrace so that he could enter the room, and Janus' mismatched eyes watched him with a gentleness he hadn't known for a while. Then he was swept off his feet, too exhausted and touch-starved to protest. The door shut on its own accord.

He clung to his carrier's neck, held tightly to his chest in a protective manner. His skin and hair were still warm from the shower, a felling that lit up Virgil's senses, and certainly one he never wanted to leave behind. Nothing beat damp hair and soft skin. It provided more comfort than even his hoodie.

There were no more words spoken, something Virgil could only have with Jay, their connection and understanding of each other far deeper than he'd ever known. He just _knew_ that not only did he not want to talk, but exactly what he was thinking so that there was no need for him to sort or voice his thoughts. With the others it was always either fighting to be heard or forced confrontation.

Janus' strong arms safely laid him down, and Virgil found himself sinking addictively into an old routine and the bed all at once. The lamp was switched off, then his warmth returned to him. Warmth that knew exactly how to bring Virgil solace, hugging him firmly against him amongst pillows and sheets, and for that one night, the lie that everything was okay was all he needed. 


End file.
